OTTAWA

COULD DONALD TRUMP be an unwitting agent of a secret scheme for a Greater Brexit?

The American President’s courageous gamble to make his country great again is clearly bringing old British Empire stalwarts back together as Canada hosts its usually absent monarch, who brings with him together with the standard fraternal sentiments, a solid support from the old mother country for his dominion’s freedom from any aggression emanating from below the St Lawrence River.

The Trump plan to recapture the Pre-WW1 Gilded Era in the United States by imposing tariffs, invading neighbors, deserting friends, and insulting everyone, while obviously well thought through, does have a few possible flaws which might – just might – lead to future difficulty for the great democracy. Which might be where Charles III’s appearance to the north comes into play.

“Well, it was King George III who lost the American colonies back in the 1780s, could it be Charles III who gets them back?” says Dr Walter Ruinedwoke, a history lecturer at the University of MAGA’s Washington campus. “If Trump meets with failure – or, Lord forbid, Argentina – the resulting mess might just provide an opportunity for Brexit Britain to reassert herself along the east coast of North America. The Americans are likely to find themselves isolated. I just can’t see the French coming to their rescue this time. Trump’s rather burned his European boats by endlessly insulting them and imposing nasty tariffs on their lovely goods and services. The French – and the Spanish for that matter – are more likely to join the Brits this time – even the Germans might be tempted to return to providing troops for London, to be used against Americans. Not Hessians, as in the past – or even SS, for that matter – but good solid storm troops to bolster the rather small British Army now available to His Majesty. Perhaps even the Russians might assist. In return for their taking Alaska back. And don’t leave Mexico out of the equation. The problem with stamping on everyone on your way up, is that they are the people whose goodwill you will be relying on as you fall. Revenge is a dish best served when your victim is face down in the mud. The hope would be that the United States would be so far down the crapper that a class of seven year old school girls could defeat it in battle.”