FROM OUR CLIMATE DESK AND WIRE SERVICES

NORTHERN IRELAND MAY be unwitting sitting on a virtually unlimited supply of clean energy which if captured could bring untold wealth to its people and spark a new industrial revolution powered by human emotion.

“For hundreds of years, the furious anger of Ulster’s Protestant Loyalists has been spent mostly on yelling at close neighbors and political leaders in London and Dublin,” says Professor Sammy Howl of Hard Border College in Co. Antrim. “We have come up with a plan to capture all that naked fury and hate, and essentially bottle it. The energy a single bottle of Loyalist anger contains has been calculated to be able to keep a mid-sized city going for decades. It’s remarkable stuff, Loyalist Anger. A combination of snake venom and nuclear explosive, but clean with it. A single spoonful could conceivably send and rocket into orbit. And we are sitting on virtually unlimited supplies of the stuff. In fact, the more political life goes against Ulster Loyalism, the more of this anger it produces. It could replace Russian gas and Arabian oil. I’m sure Trump will want a piece of the action. And London and Dublin will have to share the benefits as its continuation depends so much on both of them.”