GRAPEVINE, USA

THE NAME’S BOND, Treasury Bond.

Donald Trump may be facing his most formidable opponent yet. His recent bust-up with Elon Musk has the Washington Beltway community buzzing with tales of the tech billionaire revealing himself to be a super agent dedicated to stabilizing US Treasury Bond yields and saving the world from the American President’s latest financial scheme, the One Big Beautiful Bill.

“The word is, Elon challenged the President on his O triple B spend, told him he would not let Mr Trump blow up US inflation and send the world out of control, and then took off a latex mask and revealed himself to be – wait for it – Tom Cruise,” said a White House staffer who did not wish to be named. “I so wanna be here for the end of this movie,” she explained. “And you know, I could swear I heard somewhere that the *IMF left the West Wing and got on to a helicopter for some secret location a while back. Anyway, it was around that time that the US Treasury Bond market began to flash red and yields rose like a chopper from the White House lawn, so I guess the boss has got his hands full, don’t you know. We’re all testing each other for masks here.”

*Impossible Mission Force or International Monetary Fund, take your pick – ED