BELGRADE, THURSDAY

“IF THE AMERICANS join the Israeli aggression, we could be forced to target Shannon Airport, which the *Great Satan uses as a transport hub for its armed forces, with missiles; if we target that, President Trump’s ungodly golf course in County Clare is not far away, so we can hit it too. Prepare for more bunkers, Donald!”

The above statement is an intercepted communication between Iran’s Republican Guard Headquarters and one of its sleeper agents who is now on a golfing holiday in Ireland. The agent was supposed to be in London, selecting targets for attack, but apparently lost his nerve and decided to take some overdue vacation time, touring the golf courses of Ireland. It appears that his superiors in Teheran were attempting to encourage him back to duty.

It is not clear whether the agent is code-named Donald, or whether the bunker reference is to the American president himself.

*Iranian nickname for the United States of America – ED