TEHERAN

“IRAN CAN ABSORB a hell of a lot of punishment, and remain essentially Iran. Israel is essentially conducting a raid here. It cannot follow up bombing success with boots on the ground. It could easily wear itself out just trying to bomb everywhere it needs to bomb in Iran. It’s a very big country. You need a lot of ammunition to damage it. A lot of man hours. Perhaps more than Israel can manage. Israel might wake up one day and find itself target-victorious but utterly exhausted, with 90 million very angry Persians still alive and kicking. That’s what used to be called a Pyrrhic victory, but today we call it a George, after George Foreman, the American heavyweight boxer who wore himself out punching Mohammed Ali in the Rumble in the Jungle in 1974.”

General Sir Douglas Somme-Ypres, who commanded British troops in Antarctica during during the little-know *Penguin Conflict, says that one of the reasons Donald Trump might be preparing to get involved is that Israel is beginning to run out of steam and Iran is still standing, albeit bloodied and bruised.

“Ali just retreated to the ropes, and absorbed everything Foreman threw at him. The when Foreman had thoroughly exhausted himself, Ali came off the ropes and pummeled him. It was one of the greatest fights of all time. I was sitting with Norman Mailer at the ringside. I learned a lot that night. Maybe Israel has done enough to bring Iran to its knees, and maybe not. As they say in boxing, it ain’t over till it’s over.”

*Angry penguins attacked a British Antarctic Expedition. A relief force fought a running retreat against the birds until they reached the ocean, when the British turned on the penguins and slaughtered them – ED