DAH PHUQ, DIPLOMACY EDITOR

AS RUMORS LEAK that the United States might not have completely and utterly and totally destroyed Iran’s nuclear program, President Donald Trump is apparently resorting to his country’s most potent weapon, the F-Bomb, to bring an end to the conflict between Israel and Iran.

Supporters of The Donald say that his dropping of an F-Bomb is possibly the first of many which will be far more destructive than any mere bunker buster.

“Utterly and completely and totally are such loaded words,” says MAGA loyalist Spangle Banner. “People misinterpret them. But we have other plays, as the President has demonstrated. And if three hundred and fifty million Americans all follow the President’s lead and drop an F-Bomb like he did, who can stand up to that? So beware Ayatollah, beware!”

Iran says it is prepared for a full F-Bomb strike by the Americans and will respond accordingly. “Our Revolutionary Guard specialists are poring over dictionaries for our most deadly words and phrases,” said a spokesman.