KYIV

THE UKRAINIAN ARMY has used Russian interest in Wimbledon fortnight to counter attack in several areas of the front in eastern Ukraine.

“The Russians were distracted by the tennis and the huge number of celebrities of all categories watching, and have been caught with their strawberries and cream on the spoon, so to speak,” says armchair commentator Montgomery Smith-Dorrien of Konflict Magazine, a guide to war around the world. “Apparently, Ukrainian intelligence used drones to drop thousands of editions of the Daily Mail on Russian positions. That paper is full of pictures of celebrities watching the tennis. The Russians have taken their eye off the ball, if you’ll excuse the pun. Fifteen love to Ukraine.”