BELFAST

IRISH NATIONALISTS HAVE proposed that the voting age be lowered to 5 in Northern Ireland to take advantage of their majority among younger people in any Irish Unity poll.

Impatience Is A Virtue, a not-for-profit advocacy group in favor of Irish Unity, says that since everyone in Northern Ireland is merely marking time, waiting for an inevitable border poll, dropping the voting age to 5 would speed up what appears to be a coming future Nationalist majority, and save a lot of bother and wasted breath.

“Otherwise we will have to sit around for years waiting for these kids to grow up,” says the group’s press statement. “And have to listen endlessly to Unionists telling us unity will never ever ever ever happen, Nationalists telling us to just hang on a little bit longer, the British Government telling us that this or that or the other has to happen before a border poll can be considered; and, of course, Dublin politicians telling us to dial down the issue, that it is divisive, that now is not the right time for a border poll, and all that ‘O Lord give us unity but not today’ blather. Your average 5 year old is very smart, and as any parent will tell you, knows exactly what he or she wants.”