WINDSOR, ENGLAND

HE’S ALREADY AN honorary knight of the realm in the UK, a living saint in the world of charity – and he once sang about not liking Mondays – so would becoming President of Ireland be a step up, or a step down for former Boomtown Rats front man Bob Geldof?

The rumor mill is turning furiously with talk of Sir Saint (or is it Saint Sir?) Bob stepping into the highest position in the Irish Republic.

“He’s opinionated, has trashed the Israelis for Gaza, seems to significantly dislike Donald Trump, wrote one of the most impactful songs of the 20th Century, and is beginning to resemble venerable Irish writer and Cassandra John Waters in the way he looks; he just has to be perfect for the Aras,” says Senchas Hooray-Henry, historian of modern Irish popular culture.

“So far, the Irish Presidential race has attracted nothing but second tier personalities, if personalities at all. No one from what might be termed the premier league appears to want the job. If you discount Bertie Ahern. But Bertie is heavy with baggage and it doesn’t look like Fianna Fail is overly keen on running him. And they have someone else. Now Bob Geldof, he has the advantage of having lived most of his adult life across the water, so he carries little or no Irish political baggage. Imagining him as Commander in Chief of the Defence Forces is frankly hilarious. If only for the fun he would bring to the office, he might be a good choice to replace the incumbent, Michael D. The first meeting with Donald Trump would be priceless, and Unionists up North will realize that deep down many southern Irish people are at best secret social climbers, who value titles and snobbery as much as British people do, and at worst, closet royalists, who would just love a monarchy, any monarchy. Who knows, if the first seven years went well, the second seven could see Bob actually crowned king. We’ve had so many uncrowned kings here, isn’t time we actually crowned one. And to top it all, we could have his The Great Song of Indifference as our new National Anthem.”