WASHINGTON, DC

THERE IS NO truth to the story that, following his demanding a 15% cut of Nvdia for the US Federal Government, American President Donald Trump is intent on purchasing the rest of his country using a private equity vehicle in the biggest leveraged buyout in history, says a prominent Republican donor.

“The Donald is not convinced America Inc is worth a bid, as yet,” said Mac Dirk-Drivel, billionaire hedge fund manger, who is expected to be US ambassador to somewhere the President considers insignificant, like Australia. “If his policies achieve their ends, then who knows?”

Others believe that Trump’s policies indicate that he is looking at a major financial move.

“Why do you think the dollar is being weakened? It’s not just interest rates and exports, it’s to make the cost of buying the United States of America cheaper if you borrow your money elsewhere,” said William David Muckenbrass, economist and philosopher, whose latest book, Gimme The Fuckin’ Money, Ya Bollix, is a worldwide bestseller. “In today’s world, everything is for sale. Everything.”