DUBLIN

A PETITION BEGGING Israel to compete in the next Eurovision Song Contest is attracting tens of thousands of Irish signatures, who see it as a sure fire way of ensuring that they don’t have to watch the event.

“If Israel competes, Ireland says it will boycott, and we will be saved from having to endure the wretched contest,” said one organizer. “I’ve seen enough of them to last a lifetime. And God forbid we win the bloody thing again. No, if Israel has an ounce of humanity left, it will compete and then our lot will boycott the event. Yes!”