MOGADISHU STAFF

A DESPERATE PLEA has gone out from beleaguered Somalia, to residents of California, begging them not to come to the East African country seeking asylum.

“Californians have already run into resistance from places like Zimbabwe, so this latest attempt to prevent them escaping the post-apocalyptic landscape of the west coast is going to come as a terrible disappointment,” says Nile Hope of the Fentanyl Fold Institute, a clandestine underground organisation that assists Californians trying to escape the horrors of their state. “So many of our clientele can only dream about a new life in places like Somalia. Maybe South Sudan, or even Libya, might open their doors. We’ll keep trying. As our motto insists: Anywhere But Here.”