LONDON

THE UK IS currently making thousands of copies of old Christmas Messages from Queen Elizabeth II to her subjects, in the hope that a recent discovery of their effect on Russian drones will help turn the tide of the war in Ukraine.

An English volunteer who had decorated his trench with photographs of the late monarch, found that playing tapes of Her Majesty’s Christmas Day messages, to keep him and his comrades calm while under bombardment also had the effect of throwing Russian drones off course, causing many to go out of control and crash.

“So we started playing them round the clock,” said Climey Stunt, a volunteer from Peterborough. “And what do you know, no drone attacks. They just went insane whenever they came near us. We even got word that their Russian operators were suffering and many had to be relieved. Suicide rates climbed. This could be a game changer. We might try Liz Truss and Boris Johnson next; and we’re trying to get hold of some Bob Geldof stuff too. But we have to have the lawyers look at that. War crimes, you know?”