LONDON

BRITISH INTELLIGENCE AGENCY MI6 is in turmoil after the recent revelation that the data system carrying its information was owned and controlled by the Chinese.

“Forget about highly secret intelligence information, most of that is useless rubbish,” said a former spy,” they could have our bloody drinks bill. This is catastrophic! I told them to go back to pigeons.”

“Yeah, the drinks bill for the Secret intelligence Service is legendary and is one of the most closely guarded secrets in London,” says intelligence expert John Smiley. “If Beijing has it and publishes it, it could bring down the whole house of cards.”

Aside from the breach of intelligence, a rumor is now about that Beijing got hold of the UK’s nuclear codes and ordered a test launch, which failed.

“The launch codes appear to have been switched for the numbers on a winning Lottery ticket,” says Smiley. “The Chinese won a hundred million and the submarine trying to launch its missiles found themselves connected to a call centre in Birmingham.”