WASHINGTON, DC

AFTER TWENTY ONE days of US Government shutdown, the country appears to be running better than ever, according to a secret report.

“And we’re saving shit loads of money too,” says IQ (not his real name), who helped author the report, entitled America: Shutdown Schmutdown, who really cares?. “The country is doing just fine without all those supposedly essential Federal workers. Ordinary people go to work and come home to their families, just like they always have. State employees manage just fine to keep things ticking over. We’re hearing calls for this shutdown to continue, at least until Christmas. If it goes on for long enough we might have enough money to pay off the national debt. All the Federal workers can join those no king marches. Half the country thinks they’re protests against Martin Luther King anyway.”