BELGRADE, THURSDAY

THE RECENT AMAZON outage may not have been caused by hacking but instead by the interference of teenage body piercings with electronic chip signals, says a scientist.

“We think the huge increase in metal being carried around in teenage body piercings is now having an effect on the smooth operation of electronics around the planet,” says Professor Humphrey Wyre of the research group Filament.”This is particularly noticeable when huge numbers of teenagers gather together, like for a concert or a march against Donald Trump or Israel, or even return of schools after a significant break – you get a kind of transmission surge and then shortages. It blocks internet signals and sends in different directions.”

Such is the concern that the United Nations has asked members to quantify the amount of metal being carried by teenage populations and then tracks movements so they can be correlated with problems in electronic transmissions.