LONDON

“THEY WERE GOING to name it BBC Crap, but it was felt that such a title would prejudice future programming. So the new channel, dedicated to all the doctored BBC news and current affairs over the decades, will simply be called BBC Fake. There should be a good audience for it. Few people under forty watch BBC News these days anyway.”

Mikey Allsin, TV analyst and runner up in the Filipino streaming hit, Strictly Assassination, the game show where contestants hunt down known drug dealers and kill them, was talking on the telephone from an Indonesian jail cell, where he now runs his popular podcast, ShitTV. “I have five years left if I don’t choose to escape. Which is a darn sight better than the black hole the BBC finds itself in. Nobody has mentioned it yet, but they could be looking at a massive law suit from Trump, and possible criminal charges in the USA. He’s not a man to forget, is he? So I guess that explains the decision to try and monetize all the biased reporting, and doctored programming the BBC has engaged in over the years, while holding itself up as the universal paragon of evenhanded news and current affairs. I actually went for the top job there years ago, and I had a ten point plan to rescue the corporation from itself and the self-satisfied mess I could see coming. But they gave the job to someone who went to university. How’d that work out? At least I’m doin’ my bird for my crimes. And yes, I’ll watch BBC Fake, just to remind myself of all the compromises and self-serving edits and prejudicial broadcasting that has attempted to pass itself off as the gold standard of news and current affairs. Fun, fun, fun for all the family.”