BELGRADE, THURSDAY

IN THE WAKE of research indicating that the WW2 German leader had only one ball – as per the song – new information from Moscow suggests that the same testicle has been discovered in an old file found in the Kremlin.

“Stories about various remains of Hitler winding up in Russian possession have emerged over recent decades,” says Helmut Sputnik, a journalist based in Vladivostok. “So the testicle may well be the Fuhrer’s. And if it is, and it goes up for sale, it could fetch millions. Perhaps, if Putin needs the cash for his Ukraine War, it will go on the market. I could see real problems with it going west, as authorities would be nervous of it becoming a symbol for Neo-Nazis. And then there’s all the fertility symbolism, and the like. Boys From Brazil stuff comes to mind. That said, if Goering’s and Himmler’s legendary small balls, and Goebbels’ empty ball sack all turned up too, you would have a collection that could be potent. and terribly musically valuable. Like Beatles song books.”