MOSCOW

A SPOKESWOMEN FOR Russian hardman Vladimir Putin has admitted to the world that their country is losing the ongoing battle to be more corrupt than Ukraine.

“We have tried and tried, but the Ukrainians are wiping the floor with us in the corruption stakes. Everywhere in this battle we are in full retreat. President Putin is even thinking of raising the white flag just to have it stop and give us time to learn how to compete. We have so much to learn from Kyiv on how to skim money off the top. And, of course, we would love access to the European and American funds these guys have. Look, yes, we surrender!”