SAN FRANCISCO

FRESH FIGURES FROM the US Immigration and Customs Enforcement Agency are said to show an enormous rise in the number of drug addicted illegal immigrants being rounded up for deportation.

“We don’t know exactly why this is,” said an ICE spokesperson. “But whenever word gets around that ICE is in a neighborhood, the damn junkies come pouring out, actually demanding ICE. We only have to sort out the legals from the illegals. It’s so damned easy, but we’re bewildered as to its cause. Yep, it’s a strange one but if cleans the streets of demented doped up zombies and all the crap – and I do mean crap – that they leave around, it can’t be bad, can it?”