MELBOURNE.

A TEAM OF AUSTRALIAN researchers has discovered that birds living near the famous Flemington Race Course in the suburbs of Melbourne, Victoria, bet with each other on the outcome of horse races.

The team, which was monitoring the effect of climate change on various species of bird around the track, entered the communications of the winged creatures into a quantum computer, which was hooked up to a sophisticated artificial intelligence program.

“And what do you think we found – particularly around Melbourne Cup Day?” explained one scientist. “The bloody computer analysed the birdsong, then managed to translate it into English; and it turns out it is series of wagers. No shit. There’s no money involved in these bets. Twigs, worms, insects, that kind of thing, yes. One bird even bet his female mate. Gambling addiction appears to have jumped species. We’re going to look at kangaroos next.”