PERTH, AUSTRALIA

FOLLOWING THE HUMILIATING collapse of the England Cricket Team’s middle batting order against Australia in the first test of the current Ashes Series, the latest in a long line of such catastrophes, the United Nations Education, Scientific and Cultural Organisation (UNESCO) has been asked to declare this very specific repeat sporting disaster a world heritage event.

“The Poms went from 1-65 to 6-88 in just over 8 overs. You couldn’t drink a six pack in that time. It’s beyond humiliating, it’s historic,” says former Australian fast bowler Bob Bounce, whose demolition of a previous England middle order back in the 1970s is said to have been a silent cause of the dismissal of the Whitlam Federal Labor Government in 1975. “Cricket is a world game. The world has an interest. The collapse of England’s middle order is now such a frequent happening – like cyclones or bird migrations – that you can almost set your watch to it. This has to be marked. This is cultural.”