CANBERRA

IN THE WAKE of the massacre of 15 Jews at Bondi Beach yesterday, the Australian Government is to substantially increase its legendary Platitude Fund, which finances the hollow phrases and cant that Government leaders use when dealing with matters they have done little or nothing to confront.

“Albo and the Labor boys and girls are not going to be short of empty rhetoric if this gets any worse,” a Labor Party source said. “The Platitude Fund, which I’ll admit has been significantly drained during this administration, will be well financed into the future, and will be capable of supporting any useless position on any threat that the Federal Government has either washed its hands of, or actually contributed to. We will ensure that not one vote is lost, and not a drop of blame falls on us, just because someone shoots a few Jews at one of their celebrations.”

When asked to demonstrate how the Platitude Fund works, he remarked: “I mean, let’s get some perspective here, what about Gaza? “