WASHINGTON, DC

SANTA CLAUS HAS applied to the United States for his annual temporary work visa amid rumors that his entry method – for however brief a period – might see him refused.

“This guy does not enter the United States by port or airport or customs post, he just flies in, tosses around God knows what – and to children – and then leaves as and when and where he likes,” said an Immigration and Customs Enforcement spokesperson. “We can’t have that and if he is refused a visa and insists on flying across our great nation, he will be shot down. The Patriots are on high alert.”