SYDNEY

ROUND UP THE usual firearms, the Australian Prime Minister has ordered his security forces, following the slaughter of fifteen Jews at Bondi Beach, outlining a buyback scheme to counter the scourge of extremist guns.

“Clearly it’s an extremist firearms issue,” said a Government supporter, “and Anthony Albanese is grabbing this scourge by the trigger. After this imaginative move, these radicalized firearms will no longer be able to threaten or attack anyone in Australia, even Jews.”