DUBLIN

IRELAND MAY EVENTUALLY need to either expel the US multinationals that have brought the country so much prosperity in recent decades, or ask Donald Trump to force them out, says a leading economic thinker.

“Because, as the money continues to pour in from these modern gold mines, Ireland increasingly seems to be suffering from the same problems that bedeviled Spain after it discovered gold, and, more particularly, silver, in the Americas in the 16th Century,” insists Dr William Daffymuc. “You can get too rich, too quickly, you know!

“Much of this money needs to be taken out of the immediate Irish system and invested far away – maybe even setting up factories in America,” says the rock star economist whose sell-out talks on neo-Keynesian pye-board fluid dynamics dwarf Oasis concerts and All-Ireland finals. “Otherwise, either we or someone else has to turn off this tap before it inundates us. Look, if you’ve ever filled a swimming pool, then you’ll know what I mean. There’s a perfect amount of water that makes the pool function. Any more and it’s a mess, and if it keeps filling, eventually your house floods. Our leaders just don’t know how to deal with the situation they find themselves in. They’re like lottery winners who think you can just spend, spend, spend as the money comes in. All that does is eventually make everything here more expensive. The Spanish basically killed their own economy living on New World riches; they priced their own people out of work and imported everything nice using the precious metals coming from mines in the Americas. They got lazy and expectant. When it was over, they had nothing left. The trick is to realize that it will end one day. We should look at Norway. Or well will be kicked, right in the groin.”