WASHINGTON DC

THE UNITED STATES HAS indicated that it is not planning on toppling any more leaders, for now, unless their country has a decent supply of something essential like oil or gold or spray tan.

“We don’t just take out tyrants, or crappy leaders,” said a State Department spokesperson. “Otherwise, otherwise California’s Newsom would be in chains by now. No, the President likes a deal, as you know, and so there has to be a business angle to what we do. Consider Venezuela a dawn raid, a hostile takeover, of an enterprise that’s on the verge of Chapter Eleven. The old boss had to go. If we’re lucky we’ll make a profit. Just like we did with WW2. Anyway, if anyone has any ideas in this area, mail them to the White House. We’ll give everything serious consideration. It’s time we cleared away the crud in this world, if only to make sure people stay in their own countries and stop coming to the US. Why should people have to live in shit just because a gang of self-serving thugs has taken them down the crapper?”