BELGRADE, THURSDAY

A FRESH STUDY from the Objective Foundation, a think tank that explores human advancement, has concluded that body shape now outperforms minds in financial success, sometimes by several multiples.

“Women with large breasts and the right curves, and men with large endowments and a toned physique make far more money now than college graduates,” the study says.

“Blonde hair in females, and large eyelashes in men are also substantial indicators of future financial success. Blonde women with big breasts outperform blond men with large endowments. However, tanned men who are well hung and have very dark hair tend to do better than blonde women even with large breasts. College graduates cannot compete with either category.”

The conclusion of the study is that college educations are more a support, to prevent a person falling much further down the wealth ladder than any means to future financial success.

“You’re better off getting your dong or your breasts enhanced at an expensive clinic than spending vast sums on a college degree that will leave you in debt and going nowhere,” the study says.