COPENHAGAN

ALTHOUGH GREENLAND IS, by virtue of its being a Danish overseas territory, closely associated with the European Union (it actually left in the 1980s), plans are afoot in Brussels for the Union itself to offer to purchase Greenland from Denmark, to provide Donald Trump with something more than a failed socialist kelptocracy to defeat, if he tries to take the island.

“This could be a first for the European Union,” said a German official, “a chance to show some much needed teeth. If the Americans want to play hardball, we can throw very hard snowballs, believe me. Donald Trump may have awoken a sleeping giant. Well, one can hope. There is even quiet talk of old formations of the German Armed Forces being brought back to life, with their wonderful Nordic names and symbols. If you know what I mean. First, we need a non-aggression pact with Russia. No more two-front wars. Then we need u-boats, hundreds of them. O, this is exciting, it’s just like old times. So let me say it, just to practice: ‘So, vee are ze masters now, ja!’”