BELGRADE, THURSDAY

AS DENMARK ANNOUNCES troop plans for Greenland, American satellite photographs are said to have picked up what is described as a “huge Viking Fleet” headed towards the frozen island.

“Long ships, full of big hairy fellows, with huge axes,” said an intercepted American message. “We’re not sure if it’s real or a ghost fleet, sent from Valhalla. It’s scary. Hope the President knows what he’s doing!”