BELGRADE, THURSDAY

WORD FROM THE White House, that UK Prime Minister Sir Keir Starmer’s labeling Donald Trump “completely wrong” over his Greenland tariff threat caused the American hard man to shit himself, is said to be true in all but one outstanding detail – the Donald was laughing!

Starmer’s Churchillian rhetoric is said to have led to such uproar in the President’s circle, that neighbours complained about the noise, only to join in the hilarity when they were told. Tears flowed and several people had to be hospitalized.

“We’re calling him Winston Starmer-Churchill,” an American journalist remarked. “He has made the word bland edgy. If the Brits are going to fight us, can they please send Jason Statham or Daniel Craig, not this sardine. Where on earth did you dig him up? I know all those others before him were hardly up to running a kindergarten, but Starmer is failed fart of a Prime Minister.”