BY SUNDRI CHYMP, FROM SOMEWHERE IN AFRICA

A NEW PAPER on ape vocabulary says that some primates in central Africa appear to be using the word Trump as an insult between them.

“It’s extraordinary, and we had to check it multiple times,” explained Dr Roddy Simian of the Doolittle Foundation, who authored the paper. “At first we thought we were imaging it. Then the AI we use – it’s terrific -it processed the whole of a fight between a group of our subjects, employing a quantum computer we have access to, and it came back confirmed. One of the apes called another a ‘chuffing Trump’. Then another said he was going to ‘Trump all over’ an opponent before defecating on him. The latest recordings have apes telling one another to ‘Trump Off’ and mothers calling children ‘You dirty little Trump’. We’re not sure where they got their information about Trump but so many tourists pass through here and they all have smart phones and God knows how many lose them in the forest. We think apes and other primates are picking them up and scrolling. A number of posts on TIK TOK of ape anuses and genitalia suggest that they are learning how to use these devices. One post of ‘Suck My Trump’ is particularly interesting to us. The apes may be communicating to each other by phone. Fascinating.”