WASHINGTON, DC

AMERICA IS ANOTHER day older and deeper in debt, it appears, after the US Supreme Court shot down many of President Donald Trump’s trade tariffs.

“I’d say those who paid the tariffs up to now, Americans all, are getting ready to line up outside the White House or the Treasury, or wherever, to ask for their money back,” says finance guru P. Lees Payuup. “This is not just an embarrassment for the President – his key policy has been declared illegal by the highest court in land – it means all the money collected so far, much of which has probably been spent, may well have to be repaid to those who paid it. And the consequential litigation could well be measured in decades. It’s open season on the tariff regime. Sovereign immunity and whatever the Government shelters behind, or not. I’d say there’s probably an awkward atmosphere inside the Oval Office right now, like when someone farts during a funeral oration. Something akin to the last day at Lehman Brothers, if you know what I mean. Trump’s still sticking to his script, throwing out more tariffs and bitching that the Supreme Court judges are a disgrace – implying they’re traitorous dogs – for now, but I guess he can always blame Billie Eilish, or someone like that, if it comes to a complete defeat. Remember if no one is illegal on stolen land then nothing is illegal on stolen land, is it?”