LONDON

PLUCKY BRITISH *BOFFINS have given their country a slim advantage over enemies by inventing a butter-like spread that can double as an explosive.

“It’s a master stroke,” explained Professor Byrnes Wally, a scientist who specializes in detonating ordinary daily objects. “You can spread this stuff on your toast and consume it without fear. In fact, it’s terrific for weight loss. Then, if you find yourself looking down barrel of Johnny Foreigner, you can take a slab of it, insert a detonator, and bob’s your uncle, it’s devastating in its effect. It can take out tanks and in liquid form its far more powerful than napalm. We’re on to a winner here, and the Government gets to have guns and butter, so to speak. Watch out, Vladimir. Or Hans. Or Louis. Or Diego. Whomever we’re fighting with. I sometimes lose track.”

*A British term for scientists – ED