MANCHESTER, UK

IN A REMARKABLE development, the Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor story has taken a strange turn with the suggestion that the ex-Prince may well be the victim of a fiendish mind-control plot to destroy the British monarchy.

“It’s conceivable he was captured by the Argentinians in the Falklands, or by the KGB during his wild youthful days, or even the IRA,” insists Andy from Manchester, whose dark web page, ‘Spiracy’s No Con’ has sparked furious activity in the lower reaches of the internet. “And re-programed. That would account for what’s happened. How else can you explain all this sordid shit? *Cui Bono? as we say in Salford. George Best was magnificent until the women got a hold of him. You see the similarity? Who was Bestie’s Jeffrey Epstein? Layers upon layers. Has anyone questioned Andrew in Spanish yet?”

*Who benefits? Often attributed to Roman statesman Cicero but more recently a favorite phrase of Bobby Robson after any defeat when he managed England – ED