PARIS

A REVOLUTIONARY HYPERSONIC cheese board could be available to the French military following a brawl in which the platter was used to great effect.

“When our military saw farmers use cheese boards in a fight at an agricultural show, they immediately instructed scientists to inquire into the possibilities of their general use in our next war,” said a staff officer attached to the French high command. “The scientists immediately came up with the hypersonic cheeseboard, which is a kind of drone, but super fast and covered with the most foul-smelling cheese. This allows the weapon to overwhelm the enemy before its warhead detonates. The scientists have been working on the making the smell of the fromage they use even more powerful, to the point where our troops have to wear gas masks to launch these things. We await developments and are asking the Government to consider testing them in Ukraine. Hey, Ivan, I hope you like cheese.”