LONDON

BRITISH POLICE ARE being tight lipped about claims that they have seized thousands of tins of petroleum jelly lubricant to the former prince, Andrew Mountbatten Windsor.

“Vaseline is a product which is at the bottom of our investigations into large-scale postal activity directed at the ex-prince,” said a detective. “We’ve seized the stuff became we’re not sure if there’d be much demand for it up his end at present, if you know what I mean? As of yet, so to speak.”