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AS OPERATION EPIC Fury is launched against Iran, American commanders have warned President Donald Trump that their country is running short of cool sounding labels for its various military adventures.

“This has been a growing problem since Desert Storm, because every time we bomb somewhere, or launch a commando raid, the White House has to give it a superhero style label,” says former Colonel Stone Soyle, who claims to sleep on a pillow stuffed with Saddam Hussein’s beard. “And we’re in competition with the Israelis, who like to use similar tags for their attacks. It’s a crowded market really, and our boys and girls are trying to keep up. The problem is coming up with suitable names for military operations at very short notice. President Trump is a man of noted impulse, so there’s often not much by way of warning when he decides to overthrow or kill someone. Or he when he realizes that a previous operation wasn’t as successful as he had made it out to be. I know the Pentagon keeps a stockpile of macho labels, ready for use in any given situation. But even that has its limits. I guess it depends on how many military campaigns the President decides upon.”