ANONYMOUS

THE SEARCH FOR a new Supreme Leader of Iran has met with a curious lack of candidates, according to Middle East Intelligence Sources.

“The Assembly of Experts, which elects the SLI, is finding it hard to even get together given the current state of the country,” explains Omar, an Iranian exile based in Berlin. “And nominations for the top job have definitely been somewhat slow since the assassination of the most recent incumbent, Ali Khamenei. Indeed, it is understood that many prospective candidates have quietly ruled themselves out. Excuses like a head cold, a sick dog, football practice and sheer terror at the thought of being targeted by Israel and America, have been rolled out. It has been suggested that already deceased mullahs and former supreme leaders be reappointed to a kind of dead Supreme Leader committee, just to ensure that if the SLI is targeted, no damage will result. but we’ve yet to hear more on that.”