TEHRAN

IRANIAN PLANS TO attack sites in California have been put on hold after it was pointed out to the leaders of the Islamic Republic, that the American state is in such a wretched mess, that genuine targets would be hard to find.

“Many of the streets of Los Angeles and San Francisco actually look like they have already been attacked by drones or missiles,” explained military analyst Lucius Iryndome. “When Iranian military leaders had a look at the state, they decided that even if they used hundreds of drones, no one would notice any damage caused. Indeed, if it forced all the drug addicts from the streets, an Iranian attack might actually make California more pleasant for its citizens.”