BELGRADE, THURSDAY

GREEN GROUPS AROUND the world are in ecstasy at the prospect of an Australia devoid of oil, petrol and diesel.

Green Grow The Russians O, a pressure group based in Moscow, has hailed the prospect of a modern industrialized country relying on wind and sun to keep it going as a major step off a very high cliff.

Old Fossil, founded in China, praises Australian Energy Minister Chris Bowen for his efforts to take his country off oil and its filthy by-products. “He’s a man we really admire,” a statement says. “The idea of Australia waiting for the wind to blow and hoping the sun will shine twenty four hours a day, excites us terrifically.”

In Europe, Blow Me, a green think tank dedicated to the Stone age, cautions that “Australia might well go to shit for a while, but once they get comfortable with darkness and endless incredibly hard physical work, all will be fine. This is the beginning of the end for fossil fuels down there. But there’s so many natural resources, they don’t have to worry. And there’s all those camels in the centre of the continent, which can be used as pack animals and food. Good bye 1788, hello 60,000 years ago. The triumph of the First Australians is at hand.”