FROM OUR DYSTOPIA EDITOR, REELY WISHFUL-THINKING

THE AUSTRALIAN FUEL crisis has given rise to its first signs of a dystopian future with sightings of gangs of maniac crazies, in customized vehicles, fighting one another for whatever drops of fuel they can get.

“This began in Sydney, but it has begun to spread, and tempers have sharpened and moved on from service station staff to other road users,” according to Mel Turner, an energy expert. “Scores of stations in the Sydney area have already run dry. Fuel is now officially scarce. And when something vital goes scarce, people’s decency drops like a prostitutes knickers. Albanese and his energy minister, Chris Bowen, have said there’s no need to panic, everything is under control. Well, no one believes that. The numbers are clear. Two months from now, if the Straits of Hormuz are not reopened, then the fuel runs out here. Out. That means, nada. Zip. If that happens, watch, people tool up with weapons to protect what they have, and criminal gangs begin to try and get hold of fuel to use it and trade it. One jerrycan of petrol or diesel will be worth the price of a Sydney Harbor mansion.”