FROM COLONEL COLONEL, OUR WEIRD WEAPONS EDITOR

AMERICA IS SAID to have a missile so devastating that it has been nicknamed ‘The Donald’ by experts, such is the chaos and confusion it leaves behind when it hits a target.

Officially christened the Doolally, the missile can affect people at a distance of thousands of kilometres from its impact point and is known to leave even friendly forces bewildered.

“This is why we will deploy it with caution, and have to ensure our own forces are protected when it impacts,” explained an ordinance officer based in the Pentagon. “It’s a game changer.”