CANBERRA

AN ARMY OF Australian travelers is being recruited, in secret, to wander around various countries in Asia, siphoning fuel from any and every vehicle they can, to help with any future serious petrol and diesel shortages back home.

The plan, which is code-named Sucks, will involve teams of Aussies, young and old, roaming the streets of cities in places like Singapore, Thailand, Vietnam, and even China, carrying Jerry cans and small rubber hoses.

These individuals will open the fuel tanks of any available vehicle, suck what’s in there out into the Jerry cans, then gather the Jerry cans at pre-arranged locations, to be loaded into trucks and then on to tankers, which can take it to Australia.

“We’re talking initially about tens of thousands of Aussies,” commented a Federal Government official; “and if it’s as successful as we expect, we can move it further afield in due course. Think of how much we could siphon just from the United States. Remember there are well over a million Australians living overseas, and traveling all over the place. They are literally everywhere. And look, criminality is in our genes, isn’t it? Needs must in an emergency. Right now, the right amount of fuel is getting here, just, but Albo and co are preparing for a time when it might not. We’re hoping Bowen’s windmills will perform but it’s best have our thieves in place for when they’re needed. If they’re needed.”