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ILLEGAL MIGRANTS WILL BE FIRST TO BE DRAFTED, SAY UK TORIES
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RUSSIAN CAPTURE OF ROBOTYNE HAS NO STRATEGIC IMPORTANCE SAYS NATO SPOKESMAN WHO HAILED ITS CAPTURE BY UKRAINE LAST YEAR AS A STRATEGIC TRIUMPH
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RUMOURS THAT UK TORIES WOULD RUN HEADS OF LETTUCE IN A DOZEN ELECTION AREAS SCOTCHED AS IT EMERGES THE VEGETABLES REFUSED TO STAND WHEN ASKED
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RIP TONY O’REILLY: IT’S NOT HOW YOU START, IT’S HOW YOU FINISH!
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IRA THANKS SIMON HARRIS FOR HIS SUPPORT OF ITS PALESTINE POLICY
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MOSSAD SAYS INQUIRIES INTO IRISH PM’s TRAVEL HABITS ARE MERELY CONCERN FOR HIS SAFETY
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SUNAK DID NOT CALL SNAP UK GENERAL ELECTION TO ALLOW JEFFREY DONALDSON RESIGN WITH DIGNITY, SAYS TORY SPIN DOCTOR WHO WELCOMED RAIN ON PM’S PARADE
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BLINKEN GUITAR PLAYING HAVING DESIRED EFFECT: RUSSIAN ADVANCE NEAR KHARKIV HAS SLOWED
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DUBLIN TO NEW YORK PORTAL ACTUALLY CLOSED BECAUSE IRISH MAN’S BALLS FOUND IN NEW YORK AFTER LEWD ACT AT DUBLIN END
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HUMAN RIGHTS GROUP COMPLAINS THAT ISRAELI ASSAULT ON GAZA LEAVES ALMOST NO ROOFS FROM WHICH GAYS CAN BE THROWN
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THE KOOKABURRA BUGLE 