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NEW IRISH LEADER HARRIS’S FIRST TASK WILL BE TO CONVINCE VOTERS THAT JUNE PATENT POLL IS ABOUT AN OBSCURE EUROPEAN COURT AND NOT WHETHER HIS REGIME’S POLICIES ARE PATENT NONSENSE
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AS TITANIC METAPHORS ABOUND AFTER VARADKAR QUITS, SIMON HARRIS FANS FEAR THAT DESPITE HIS OBVIOUS GENIUS THE YOUNG TURK IS NOT SO MUCH ACCEPTING THE HELM OF THE DOOMED LINER AS OFFERING HIMSELF TO BE MAROONED ON THE ICEBERG
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SUPPORTER OF NEW ST GEORGE’S CROSS DESIGN ON ENGLAND SOCCER SHIRTS SAYS OLD RED CROSS WAS AN IMPERIAL FASCIST EMBLEM CARRIED BY THUGS TO INTIMIDATE RIVALS
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RUMOR THAT FINE GAEL LEADERSHIP FOR SALE ON EBAY SPREADS AS ONLY ONE UNINSPIRING YOUNG MINISTER APPEARS TO WANT THE JOB
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NORTHERN IRELAND UNIONIST LOONIES CLAIM CREDIT FOR LEO VARADKAR”S FALL AS THEY INSIST “WE PRAYED THE GAY AWAY”
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IRISH RODENT ADVOCATES COMPLAIN THAT SINKING SHIP METAPHORS AFTER LEO VARADKAR SAYS HE’S QUITTING ARE INSULTING TO RAT COMMUNITY AND INACCURATE
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CHINESE FOREIGN MINISTER SAYS HE WAS SURE PAUL KEATING WAS STILL IN CHARGE IN CANBERRA AND ASKS WHO ANTHONY ALBANESE AND PENNY WONG ARE?
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SHOCK AS VLADIMIR PUTIN LOSES RUSSIAN ELECTION TO ONE-ARMED BLACK LESBIAN TRANS LIBERAL – NAH, JUST KIDDING!
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NAZIS AND ISLAMIC ZEALOTS IN FURY AS THEIR ICONS ARE COMPARED TO MARGARET THATCHER
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BABY SEEN MOUTHING F-WORD IN WOMB AS PARENTS DISCUSS TRANS PRONOUNS
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THE KOOKABURRA BUGLE 