WEST OF WEST OF IRELAND AN OLD BLACK and white erotic silent movie entitled BLASKET ISLAND BITCH has been discovered in the suitcase of a dead Irish nun following her death from a drug overdose at the age of 118. The silent film, which dates from somewhere in the second decade of the Twentieth Century,…

FROM OUR PROPHECY DESK A DAY TRADER claims he has made a billion dollars by betting against the hundreds and thousands of YouTube channels which claim to predict the future of the world, its climate, its continents, its countries, its industries, its finances, its populations, its politics and its wars. Hugh Hellcat-Mendicup, a reclusive old…

JERUSALEM TOP AIDES TO Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu are said have told their boss that the drip-feed of Palestinian dead coming out of Gaza as a result of Israel’s campaign to destroy Hamas there, is likely to create more Arab fury than it can ever destroy. “Unless he wants to kill them all,” said…

BELGRADE, THURSDAY SCIENTISTS HAVE DISCOVERED that anyone travelling to the past would immediately forget the future they had come from and be trapped where they were with their memory only able to recall events from the moment they arrived. “It’s a function of the Second Law of Thermodynamics, or entropy,” says Professor Silim Gobhfuilse, of…

FROM OUR REPORTER IN BLACKROCK, CO. DUBLIN “WHAT IN THE name of God was I being paid for?” The senior Irish civil servant who spoke these words, is furious at recent inferences that only one senior Irish Government figure had been working for London for the past thirty years. “As far back as I can…

VARIOUS FLEET STREET HACKS IT BEGAN WITH a lady called Koo Stark. Who can tell where it will end. The Duke of York, brother of the King of England, Scotland, Wales, and Northern Ireland minus its entire economy, is his own shaggy dog story. “I think if you wrote this out forty years ago, when…

DUBLIN, EIRE MID-ULSTER DISTRICT COUNCIL said thanks, but no thanks. Apparently, its walls are already reserved for pictures of hunger strikers, 1916 martyrs, Gaelic Football stars and Liam Neeson action stills. No room for a portrait of King Charles III of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and (parts of) Northern Ireland, even if it…

BELGRADE, THURSDAY A BRITISH CHALLENGER II main battle tank, which was sent to spearhead last year’s Ukrainian counter-offensive, has appeared on the now infamous Epstein List of the celebrated and the famous who flew too close to the convicted sex-offender’s orbit than they might subsequently have wished. The 69-tonne war monster has not been heard…

BY R. HEYDRICC, IN JERUSALEM “GOD MAY NOT be willing to help this time. The children of Israel may have to look elsewhere for assistance in this one. In darker places.” Jerusalem Professor Melchezidek Maccabbee sat drinking strong Turkish coffee, and playing backgammon with himself, as he spoke. Between moves he drew on a small…

BEIT HANOUN COMMENTATORS ARE BEGINNING to remark on the developing similarity between the current Israeli offensive in Gaza and the Battle of Stalingrad during World War Two. “Yes, the optics are remarkably familiar to those who have studied the German advance towards the Volga in 1942, and the current Israeli push into Gaza,” says Ulrich…