by J.T. Kirk, Space Editor

EXTRA TERRESTRIALS who have been living at America’s Top Secret Area 51 facility in Nevada have gone on strike in protest at rent increases for their living quarters at the base.

The ETs, who have been resident at Area 51 since the 1940s, say the price of housing has far exceeded any salary increases they have received in their time there. They also point out that their very restricted living conditions should see them receiving a discount to market rent.

“These Extra Terrestrials are mainly employed by the United States Department of Defence on a highly classified plot to control the minds of ordinary Americans,” explained Dr Sculder Mully, a researcher who specializes in US Government conspiracies. “As far as the world is concerned, they do not exist. As far as they are concerned, the world need not exist. Complicated, no?

“They live in very basic government accommodation. It was supposed to be rent controlled but at some point pieces of Area 51 have been subcontracted to the private sector. In 2008, it appears the Area 51 Extra Terrestrial Housing Compound, as it is called, was caught up in the sub-prime mess. The mortgages were all owned by a German town council which went bankrupt. Anyway, a Vulture Fund using bailout cash, bought the properties for a song and started putting up the rents. Finally, the tenants have had enough.

“This might be a storm in a teacup in any other circumstances,” Mully continued. “Except these beings, they have shit hot powers and uncomfortable opinions. You don’t want to piss them off. Lawyers are down there now trying to negotiate a solution. It’s difficult. The US Government is trying to cut back spending and yet it doesn’t want to give up on trying to control the minds of its citizens. Particularly as those minds have been getting stranger and stranger over the past few decades. I’m sure there’s a compromise, somewhere out there.”

ED – An email to the Bugle from a website on the Dark Web called Shut The Fuck Up, denied the existence of Area 51, and Extra Terrestrial life on Earth, and promised the “Assange Precedent” to anyone who said otherwise.