POLITICS DESK

APART FROM FOSSIL FUELS AND belching competitions, the fastest growing source of carbon dioxide emissions in Australia used to be political hypocrisy. Not any more. Virtue Signalling has overtaken hypocrisy for the first time.

“You know that trees and bushes, even the grass, grow faster in Canberra than anywhere else in Australia. Except during parliamentary recesses. Then they slow to average growth rates. It’s remarkable. But it’s true. They’ve tested it. And it’s all political hot air. They’ve tested that too.” Malcolm, who doesn’t want to give his last name, added that while the speed of growth of carbon dioxide emissions during his time in Federal Parliament was a concern, it was all due to an increase in hypocrisy, which had self-imposed limits. “This latest increase, it’s far worse,” he says. “It’s virtue signalling and it’s rampant. Let me explain.

“Plain old hypocrisy, that’s been a staple of political life for decades. And it was always counteracted by the fact that it was hidden and required limited speech. In fact, the less you said about your acts of hypocrisy the better. So the pollies were always cautious. Sure, they lied and weaseled and twisted and spun – and they still do. But it was nothing compared to this virtue signalling. With virtue signalling, you shout it from the roof tops. Endlessly. And the more you speak, the more virtuous you sound. It’s a carbon dioxide emissions charter. And the Canberra mob, they are spewing it out faster than a fossil fuel power station.”

“I agree,” said Julia, who also served in Federal Parliament and didn’t want to give her surname either. “It’s a worry. You know, lies and cheating and back stabbing, that kind of stuff, that’s never pleasant. But one single minister going on about how they can save the planet or a minority group, that’s worth a hundred hypocritical MPs found talking out of both sides of their mouths.”

“Too right,” said Kevin, again a former politician who decided on balance not to give his surname. “I was a bit of virtue signaler myself if I’m honest, but I’ve reined myself in. I confine myself to one ridiculous idea to help save the world from itself ever six months. I avoid the minorities. It’s my contribution to help keep the carbon dioxide emissions down. But some of these new pollies, they’re supercharged virtue signalers. Jesus, you can’t shut them up.”

“I blame Woke myself,” insists Tony. He wanted to give his surname but the Bugle decided that it would be better for all if he did not. “How many minority groups can you spell Woke with? None. Because Woke’s a fuckin’ joke. Sorry, I get angry when I watch the climate being destroyed by virtue signalers, having to listen to the endless self-righteous drivel most of them talk. Knowing that they are pumping carbon dioxide into the atmosphere at such a rate. Destroying the planet. Oh God help us!”

“Yeah, destroying the planet,’ began Scott who also served. We didn’t hang around long enough to get his surname.