BY U. T. TER D’ESPAIR, INSANITY CORRESPONDENT

A TEACHER IN THE AMERICAN STATE OF CALIFORNIA has been ordered to apologize to her mixed class of 18-year-old students after referring to them as “little cunts” after they tipped a bucket of paint on her as a prank.

She was not forced to do this because they objected to her language but because not everyone in her class identified as a little cunt.

“Several of the teenagers quietly agreed that they were prize little cunts,” a school spokesperson of no fixed gender identity commented. “But those who didn’t choose to be so identified, they complained bitterly at being referred to by a name that did not define their chosen identity. Several of those who identified as female said they would have been fine with ‘bitches’. Others were okay with ‘shits’. A few who were non-binary gender fluid said that gender anatomy was the difficulty. It’s too restrictive.”

The teacher was unavailable for comment as she was still trying to scrub the paint off with a wire brush.